From Christmas to Easter: ketchup!

If you've noticed a lull in the action...you are right. If feel like a bear coming out of winter hibernation!

I honestly think I am now just getting over Christmas. When did Christmas become so exhausting? Of course, we did travel home, go on to Victoria, have a birthday party, a Christening, 6 gift openings and a partridge in a pear tree. Never again. Enough said.

January was devoted to getting back to routine. I insisted that we not travel, and kept things as routine as possible. Because young William started daycare! Here, there are 2 daycare options: creche which is full time, and halte-garderie, which literally 'halts' over the noon hour (the French devotion to a good lunch is really impressive isn't it?). We were lucky to get a space 2 mornings per week in a halte-garderie in the ground floor of our apartment building. The first week was devoted to 'adaptation' where we gradually increased William's time in care. The first day, after only an hour, he came home and slept three hours. Tiring stuff, this daycare! There were lots of tears in the beginning but he is gradually coming to like it, and even look forward to it. Greg and I notice his comprehension of French has increased since starting daycare, and that he is a little more assertive on the playground....not a bad thing since he used to get knocked over a lot. And he has a new look to go with his new routine: his baby hair was getting pretty shaggy so I took the scissors to the back. The cut is a it abrupt, but he only sits still so long. At least its tidy now.

With William in care I could get back to French lessons. I have been lucky enough to find a sympathetic teacher not far from our apartment. Florence has the most amazing bleached blonde hair and is skinny as a nail, but she makes me a coffee every morning and we laugh a lot. Once per week is not a lot (I need the other morning for 'me' time. Or to write this blog!) but it is a start. If all continues to go well, we will ask for another morning per week for William.

The new year also brought changes for Greg. His boss had had a minor heart attack the previous summer, and seems to have taken his doctor's instructions to go easier to heart (literally). So, he has given Greg much more responsibility, asking him take over presentations and act for him on several occcasions. Greg is also getting to travel more, which he likes (probably because William and I stopped going with him, ha ha!). Greg is finding the work more satisfying as a result of all this, and is feeling comfortable and competant in his work.

Greg had an odd incident in the New Year. While we were away in Canada, his lower left lip ballooned out, looking like he'd been in a fight. It wasn't sore, but didn't go away so he had it looked at once back in Paris. It turned out to be a blocked saliva gland that needed to be surgically removed. He came home (by Metro, can you believe) looking like Frankenstein, and needed to eat soup for a few days. Besides a small divet in his lip, he is back to normal, but it was was weird little thing to have happen.

With William more or less settled at daycare, we could indulge Daddy's desire to go on a ski trip. Now, I have to tell you that I honestly thought this was a bad idea. Dad goes off skiing leaving Mm and busy one year old with nothing to do and nowhere to go.....so I dragged my heels a bit and by the time we booked the only think left was a hotel called the Dacha. Think 1960's from floor to cieling. In fact, the entire village of Chamrousse is a 1960's throwback. They hosted the Olympics in 68 and haven't renovated since! Dad did go off skiing but of course let Mom do the same. However there wasn't much to do with baby boy as he is too little for tobaganning. We tried taking him in a baby sleigh, called a 'luge' here, which he loved until he toppled out and then he just cried and cried. Turned out he was getting sick, poor lamb. Next Mom got the virus badly so the trip ended a bit disastrously. I think I will stick to my guns next year and stay home! Or, book Club Med Mont Blanc......now we're talking.

March was the Month of Megan, my birthday! And it was a special one this year as I turned 40. Forty. Fooorty. I have to keep saying it and I still don't beleive it. Anyhow, I celebrated in style. On the actual some friends and I took in my favorite museum, the d'Orsay, and treated ourselves the champagne in the oh so lovely cafe. The next weekend, Greg hosted a lunch for friends, and a few weeks later I went off to Florence sans bebe et mari. I wasn't sure how I would feel leaving William for the first time, but I had little time to dwell on it as there was shopping, eating and touring to be had! My friend and I shopped for jewellry on the Ponte Vecchio all morning, then took in Sante Croce where Michealangelo and other important dudes are interred. We then had a one our massage and spa....heaven. And a big pasta dinner, more heaven! It was a great trip and made me realize that mommies need regular holidays too. If we (as a family and a society) truly value work at home, then it deserves the same perks as work outside the home, right?

The fun in March wasn't over as Greg and I took in a Bryan Adams concert late in the month. I had bought it as a birthday gift for him, but enjoyed it just as much as he did. What a great time! The man can still rock, and it reminded us of our youth. We spent the evening singing and shimmying and it was a good thing.

Naturally, William's development has slowed down a bit but there is still a lot going on with Little Man. Physically he is much more sure, and prefers to run everywhere rather than walk (although he still motors 'quatre-pattes' if he is tired). He is now adept at climbing, much to my terror, and proudly reached the top of the slide all on his own last week. His current favorite toy is the wooden push along truck we bought him for Xmas as he can not only push it, but sit on it, and even better use it as a stool. Needless to say I am babyproofing more/still/again! He still loves his books, current favorites being "Hand Hand, Fingers, Thumb" (dum ditty dum ditty dum dum dum!) and "I Love you Through and Through" for bedtime. Verbally, he is really taking off. He repeats ducky and doggy sounds, says 'bye bye' and 'au revoir', 'yellow', 'shoes', 'tummy', 'eating' 'yoghurt' and 'dehors'. He will shake his little finger and say "ni ni ni no!" to the daycare workers if they chastise him. We love to play dress up with hats and scarves, but his favorite activity of all is vacuuming...we do it every day, and I hate it. We spent time in museums this winter to escape the cold: saw Musee des Arts Decoratif, Sempe exhibit and Malmaison. He is really getting rythmn when he dances: shakes his little booty and everything! He is a sweet tempered guy most of the time, willingly sharing things, and liberally giving kisses. He can be a real monkey too, witness the time he dropped my keys down the elevator shaft! Thank God for spares!

Best of all though is that William is finally sleeping through the night.........

So, that's us up til Easter. Will write again soon!

My Wonderful One Year Old

This past December was such a whirlwind: Christmas, travel and.....a first birthday! I was so proud and sad all at once that my baby was one. All those little stages he went through: rolling, crawling, cruising, are all things of the past. Essentially, the things he is able to do now -walking, talking, feeding himself- are skills he will have from now on, but the baby ones are gone. I am proud that William is so active, so sturdy, so big; but I miss my wee baby, never to be seen again. And even more sadly, I can't really remember him as a really little baby. I have flashes of memory, but trying to recall the feel and look of him when really small....gone in the mists of time, like my baby is.

(OK I am crying a little writing this)

I put effort into planning William's first birthday, but there were sweet gifts from Grace as well. The day began with us all snuggled up in the big bed together, William and I nursing, and Greg dozing. It rained that morning, and as we lay like bears in our den we listened to the rain pitter pattering, and felt sweet content. We then helped William open his gift that we had bought him months ago in Prague, and he loved it: a little monkey (just like our monkey) wooden toy that plays a zylophone when you pull him along. He has gotten hours of entertainment out of it.

I spent that whole morning with William, just doing all the things he loves best: yoga, dancing, reading books and playing with my blowdryer (the BEST toy!!). He then napped while I got ready for the party. And napped. And napped and napped! Everyone had already arrived and the guest of honor had to be woken up, much to his displeasure. He remained sleepy and weepy for the first hour of the party, not letting me put him down for even a second. It was his party, and he could cry if he wanted to! (Interestingly enough, my Mom says that I slept through most of my first birthday party too....I guess we are easily overwhelmed, William and I). Little did I know that the classic separation anxiety of this stage had begun. However, he loved his banana birthday muffin, and later, his chocolate cupcake that he had so Dad could see him with icing all over his face!

Developmentally, my big baby just gets better and better at walking. He now roams all over the apartment. His balance is still precarious, and so he walks with elbows akimbo and his knees lifting sargeant major style. He looks more like he is riding a unicycle than walking! He prefers to hold a grown up finger, and I have precious pictures of us walking along together. Soon, I know, he won't want to be held back by any finger holding. William uses his new found locomation to run away from Daddy after his bath, running nakedy snakedy all over the apartment. He is also into so much more now. He broke a favorite lamp of mine, and managed to lock the washing machine with a wet load in it. And the guide book is in french, so it took me all day to get around to getting out the dictionary and figuring out how to unlock. So this is life with a toddler!

But William is so cute I can't stay mad for long. He now has two front teeth with an adorable gap in them which really changes his smile. He is discovering all the things these new teeth can do: clicking together, grinding and biting Mommy's nipple, yikes! His favorite word is 'didah' which can be said loudly, caressingly, excitedly...it seems to be a catch all. After nursing in bed in the morning, William wakes Daddy up by poking him and saying Didah! But other words are more recognizable: he told me "all done" looking at a book, and "no thanks" when I offered some apple.

On a less happy note, William was quite sick this month with an ear infection. All medication for French babies are designed to go in bottles, which William will not take....all he wants to do is nurse when he is sick. So Mummy got creative and mixed his medication up in a wineglass, then we had 'wine' during supper. He thought that was great fun, and was pretty adept with a wineglass...that's my boy!

Body Image

I have always thought I was fat. This is partly because I took ballet (a sylph I was not) and partly because I was a girl (dieting is a topic of interest from about age 4) and partly because I actually was kinda fat.....okay, not really fat just.....plump. I look back at pictures from childhood, and there it is, my nemesis: the belly. Thankfully I have a mother who was devoted to good nutrition (she made us homemade fruit rollups, no joke) and a husband who is an exercise fiend so my tendency to rolly polly-ness is mostly dealt with in a healthy way, but do not doubt I am familiar with that particular kind of self loathing that comes from not looking the way you think you should look.

So, even though getting pregnant was an incredible thrill, one of the many myriad thoughts meandering through my brain was: how fat will I get? And how long until I get thin(ish) again after the baby?

But like so many things in my life, I was blessed, thrilled and surprised to find that I felt fabulous during my pregnant. Despite an ice-cream per day habit during a trip home to Canada (it helped kill the heartburn) I did not put on a gross amount of weight. However, for the first time in my life, weight was no longer a concern. I had a reason to have a big, beautiful belly: I had a big, beautiful baby in there! I was in awe of my body, and what it was accomplishing. With very little help from Greg (no offense, honey) I was growing a PERSON!! It was incredible. I felt like a goddess.

And that sense of awe and appreciation for my body continued into William's first months of life, for, as a breast feeding Mom, I was helping him to grow outside of my tummy too. And not only did he grow, he thrived! He was a fat, jolly, happy little baby who loved to feed, and had a Mommy who loved to feed him. So, I was scarred by childbirth, plump, with huge boobs and I did not care. What relief! What liberation!

But of course, the day of reckoning came as it must. For me it was once William started on solids, and I took him to a doctor's appointment. Very casually I stepped on the scale only to realize that I weight MORE than I did after the baby was born. That was not a good day.

So slowly, and to be honest resentfully, I started to claim my body back from the rigours of childbearing. But despite feeling fat (again) I have come to this stage with a new respect for my body. It is an awesome body, capable of miraculous things. And even though my son is born, nourished, and nearly weaned, it is a body still capable of amazing things. My body is coming back to being my own, but I share it generously with my boys. It is a body that is a bit padded, but aren't I cozier that way?

Not to say I was not delighted to lose a few pounds during a bout of the flu. And I am ecstatic that my old clothes fit again (its like getting a new wardrobe!!!). I am committed to eating a bit better, and exercising a bit more. Because shouldn't I care as much about what I am putting in my mouth, as what I am putting in William's? I want to be fit and fabulous in my new life, to keep up with my active toddler, but also to feel like a pretty woman again.

I know myself well enough to know that I will have fat days again; don't we all? But even then, I will never forget that I have a body that is capable of amazing things. It can run and jump, stretch and breathe. It can laugh and cry, write and sing. It can bake a cake while simultaneously talking on the phone. It can love a husband. It can grown and nourish a son.

I am a goddess.

Our Lives in Ordinary Time

Something you may not know is that I was a little Catholic schoolgirl; yup, navy blue tunic, knee socks, pigtails, scary nuns, and kindly priests, the works. Our school year was punctuated not only with homework and tests, but by the annual Easter procession, live Christmas pageant and lectures on true sacrifice during Lent (which for me was no TV). While I have left the knee socks and pigtails behind (and scary nuns) I have retained the wonderful rythmns of the Catholic liturgical year. In my internal calendar that marks the most private, precious events of my life I celebrate not only the biggies like Christmas and Easter, but those lesser appreciated times such as Advent and Lent. I have learned to love and value those seasons of preparation and denouement. But my favorite season has always been the least appreciated one: ordinary time. It means nothing is happpening save the daily rounds and small rituals of every day life. There is nothing to preapre for, nothing to clean up after. It is just that, ordinary time, and I have come to realize how very special it is.

In my old life I don't think I had ordinary time. There was a house to keep, a cottage to renovate, a job to do, and garden to cultivate, family to attend to and friends to see. There was no time for ordinary time. But here life is different for us. It is partly because I have divested myself of most of those former obligations; its much easier to have ease when I don't work, own a home, have a garden or cottage, and our family obligations consists of weekly Skype chats. Its also partly that life with a small child has forced us to slow down, take time for play and be home for an early bedtime and so we simply can't be as busy. But both Greg and I have realized how much we have come to love, and need, ordinary time. Ordinary time gives us time to relax, to play, to spend time as a family.....to simply be.

And so what do we do? There is usually an obligation or two in the form of housework, so a bit of cleaning or laundry quickly sets the apartment to rights. We take time over our coffee and breakfast, lounging in our jim jams. Greg surfs the 'net. I scrapbook a little, or write a letter.William ping pongs between us, delighted to have two parents on hand to pester and play with. Then there is often a nap, sometimes for all of us, and afterwards maybe a saunter through the market or a trip to the gym. I use the Stairmaster and Greg lifts a little weight while running after William. Sometimes we'll all swim or go for a coffee. And there is always a visit to the park somewhere in there! In winter we might take in a more obscure exhibit that we've been waiting to see, or take advantage of 'free Sundays' when the big monuments are open gratuit. In summer we might do a walking tour or head out on town to wander a fine park or estate. We emerge from this routine rested, connected to each other, and happy.

And, so with our return home advancing ever more surely on the horizon, the question for me is how to preserve ordinary time? How to go back to work, buy a new house, coexist with our family without losing that precious sense of peace? I'm not sure how it will all work out, but I think it must involve planning a lot less. This is an admonishment mostly to myself, the big social planner! However I have realized there is something to be said for spontaneity, and leaving space on the calendar. It might also mean saying no a little more, so we can say yes more wholeheartedly. I read a great description recently that likened the writer's family to 'barbarians at the gates' in their desire to always get together that I must say rang a little true for me. As children of divorce I am not entirely sure what Greg and I can do about that, but we have promised each other that our own little family will come first. Most important is that I think we have now experienced and enjoyed ordinary time; if we let it, I think its blessings will come home with us in our suitcase.

Too Cute at Ten Months

In catching up with this blog I realize that I neglected to post something about William at 10 months. I thought oh well, we've got every other month covered, and I'll remember what he was like then. But you know what I don't. When I was pregnant and other mothers would tell me they couldn't remember a certain age or stage, I thought they were nuts; how could you forget something about your beautiful baby? But you do. Babies are so into the here and now that I at least tend to live there with them. And while overall I think that has been a very healthy thing for me, it does mean that the details of past stages tend to slip. And so with the help of notes, pictures and my rusty memory, here is our boy at 10 months:

Too cute eh? The highlight of our month was to travel together to England, a place that I love and would happily return to again and again. Greg had a conference in Chester, so William and I tagged along. Chester was lovely. William and I toured the Cathedral (were the photo above was taken) and walked the length of their Medieval wall, still intact after hundreds of years of siege and modernization! We also took a day trip over to Liverpool to see the Beatles Museum which was great fun, and William took his first ferry ride over the Liffey River. We got a little lost on the way home but William was able to take it all in stride now that he is maturing and has developed a fondness for Cheerios!

After Chester, Greg took some holiday time and we drove up North to meet our English family. They hail from North Hartlepool, which we had heard was quite industrial but we found to be quite pretty. Cousins Sam and Audrey were our gracious hosts, and while staying with them William learned to climb stairs! Not something he has a chance to do at home in the apartment. He also got to play with Sam and Audrey's grandchildren, a great treat.We also met William's great, great, great Uncle Charlie, and Grandma Moore's dear friend Lil. They were both, of course, quite taken with William!

After real English fish and chip at Seton Carew and a mandatory trip to Tesco's we were off again, this time to Edinburgh. I had visited there briefly while pregnant with William and longed to go back for the beautiful architecture and the shopping. But, shopping and touring with baby is a heck of alot different than doing it with a girlfriend. After one harrowing afternoon of William howling through the shops (but charming the shop girls) Greg took pity on me and gave me a free afternoon to look around. Debenham's, Monsoon, John Lewis, oh my!! Needless to say I loved it and stocked up on cashmere socks for the folks back home.

After Edinburgh we turned back south to visit the Lake District. On the way we tracked down the famous Sycamore Gap at Hadrian's Wall but in the end only Greg hiked out to see it as extremely hilly with gale force winds. Still, what a thrill to see something that has existed since AD 122!

The Lake District was so, so beautiful, probably the prettiest place I have seen in England (but all the English countryside is gorgeous so hard to say). It rained a lot, but this did not deter me from visiting Beatrix Potter's home and Gallery (where I saw many of her original paintings including the frisky Squirrel Nutkin). What an inspiration her life is to me, as she was able to live and work in the same place, spending a great deal of time outdoors in the process. To wake up each day, do a little writing or painting, then care for your garden and animals.....it seems idyllic and very appealing. Anyhow, as a family we took a lovely little hike on the fells (hills) and caught some spectacular views when the clouds cleared.

Once we got home, we decided it was time for William to have his own room. When sharing our room, we could never talk above a whisper, nor watch a loud movie with William sleeping just past the divider; plus he would waken every night when we were going to bed. I was a bit sad to move my baby from my bedside where I could hear him breathe and turn, but in the end it really was for the best. He goes off to sleep very well with a feeding and a few stories and his beloved DouDou beside him.

William celebrated having his own room by cutting is first tooth, and with it, preferring grown up food to baby mush! He is also gabbling a lot more: "Dididah! Dada! Mama! Didoodoo!" often accompanied by pointing and vigourous head noddin. Too cute. He 'quatre pattes' at a mile a minute, but is also pulling himself up on every available surface. Won't be long until he walks!

Here he is wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving!

the Joy of Baking for Baby

A baker I am not. I used to be back in those glorious days when my mother looked after all the other housework, God bless her. Then I had time to bake, but now when its a choice of dinner or cookies, I make dinner (Greg wants to know what is wrong with cookies for dinner?). But the other day actually found me in the kitchen, be-floured and be-aproned! The special occasion? William's first birthday. If anything bring out the Betty Crocker in a Mommy it is that first birthday cake.

The cookie eater wanted to know why we couldn't just buy William a chocolate cake, budabing, budaboom? Funnily enough there are few birthday cakes for sale in Paris. I'm not sure what their birthday tradition is (I should ask) but it ain't cake. Plus William is only 1 and chocolate is still on the no no list according to baby authorities, ditto for all his little friends. So I got inspired and found a recipe for chocolate banana cupcakes....a little something for both my boys.

Not being an accomplished baker I figured I better give these cupcakes a trial run, hence the aforementioned baking day. And it was really fun. While sifting and stirring in my tiny kitchen, my soon to be one year old baby toddling at my feet, I had a moment of pure contentment. These moments are surprise gifts, happening when we're 'busy making other plans'. It had something to do with how yummy those banana cupcakes turned out to be, and showing William how to mix and stir, and peeking into the oven with him to watch them turn golden brown. But it also had something to do with reflecting on the past year with William. How life has changed with him in so many happy ways. Something too, about how he can get me doing things I haven't done in years, like baking, and how these are things that I want to do more of with him because they are good, wholesome, fun things to do.

I hope to do more baking with my boy. I hope one day he will want to do it with me. I hope his birthday cupcakes turn out just as well on the big day and that we laugh, and play and have a wonderful day. I hope he grows up strong, and true, and well. I also hope he doesn't grow up too fast. But no matter how old he gets, I hope he still likes doing things with his Mama, cause his Mama loves doing things with him.

11 Months Old..oi oi oi!

Every day with William is a revelation. I had no idea that being a Mommy could be so much fun (or so messy!)

The biggest news at 11 months is that William is walking! He has taken up to 5 steps at a time. When Greg and I get all excited, he looks at us as if to say "What? I've been working on this a long time!". He loves the increased independence and novelty of walking so much that rather than crawling down the hall to his bedroom, he inches along the wall, commando style! It's very cute. He has also become very verbal in a babbly, baby talk way, although I have deciphered a few words: 'Mama' and 'Papa', of course but also 'hot' in reference to my coffee mug, 'ghakoo' which I think is thank you, '"nana" for bananas, and 'bye bye'. Decipherable or not, he talks up a bluestreak pointing at things, raising his eyebrows and yelling or shrieking of he gets excited (not so cool, this part. We are learning about appropriate times and places to use his "outside voice"). He adores going to the playground, and holds his own really well with the older kids. He continues to have an amazing appetite, eating almost everything. The only thing he sometimes refuses is his pureed food in favor of more mature fare that he can feed himself. He is getting really good at using his own spoon, and often feeds Mom or Dad while we are feeding him. William loves being read to, his current favorite being a Peter Rabbit finger puppet book or anything by Sandra Boynton. He has 2 bottom teeth, and two more coming in on top. He is into everything and I spend a lot of time tidying up behind him. He is bright as a button, friendly and flirty, and just so yummy I could eat him up! Oh, he has also gotten very into French kissing so watch out if you ask for a kiss!

William and I entertain ourselves at home very well. He loves to 'dance' with Mommy: he goes in his jolly jumper to jump and spin while I boogie beside him. It is a lot of fun and great exercise. We also go to playgroup twice per month where the other babies are finally getting old enough to be interesting (we joined the 2011 group so he would be the oldest, not youngest). We do yoga almost every day and William now does some of the moves himself, particularly pattycake and kissy feet. He is in love with the vacuum cleaner so I can count on him following me around when I vacuum. The dishwasher and pot drawers are endless sources of fascination, as is the clothespeg bucket where he takes all the pegs out....then puts them all back in...then takes them all out again. He adores the swimming pool, splash splashing and chewing on a pool noodle!

On his 11 month birthday we had an interview at the local daycare, called 'garderie' here, where William will be starting 2 times per week in January. My heart clutches at the thought of someone else having the joy and privilege of caring for William, but I also recognize that it is good for him and me. For me, I hope to get some French lessons in and for William a chance to interact with other kids. It will also accustomize him to daycare before we go back to Canada and I head back to work( I hope...lots of cutbacks I hear). Of course, these rationalizations will all be for naught that first day I drop him off.....you'll be able to hear the boo hooing everywhere. However, I like the garderie as is very bright and clean, and the staff seem caring. It is just in our building so I have been able to observe them for a year as I walked to and fro, and I get good vibes.

As a family we did a littel travelling this month. William and I accompanied Greg on his biannual business trip to the South. It was fun, but the disruptions to William's sleep when we travel is almost becoming not worth it. However we had a better time on our first ever cruise (see seperate post) where William actually slept through the night....once in a row!

I can't believe that tiny little dark haired monkey that we brought home has been with us nearly a year. He was such a shock to us when he first arrived, but now we can't imagine life without him. My Mom told us that's how it would be, and of course Moms are always right!